Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
