Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
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