just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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