i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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