I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
