At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
