i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
