names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
