Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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