i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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