Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
