You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
