Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
