i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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