508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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