I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
