grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
