guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
