meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
