So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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