I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
