So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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