I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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