apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
