As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
