Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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