I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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