I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
