i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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