so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
