your parents love me but you hate me
actually, I'm a sock model
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
