Your dad touched me again.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
false alarm, still single
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
