she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I want her autograph on my taint
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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