Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
