there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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