I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
