i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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