I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
