Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
