Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I could fuck to npr.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
