She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
