Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
