She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
