I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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