recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
