Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
