So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
