Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
