I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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