I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
