Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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