Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
